Bleach: Chapter 363 Review

Here's something I've been wanting to do for a while. Maybe I should be working on reviews for my website instead, but I decided to do this as a sort of "spur of the moment" type thing. Anyways, I had originally planned to do reviews of "the big three" Shonen Jump manga every week (One Piece, Naruto, and Bleach) but I decided against it. However, after my fun adventure over at that Bleach wiki, I've decided that series deserves to be heckled. And, this week's chapter was just too much to pass up. I don't think too many people really care, but I'll at least try to make it entertaining.

Any screencaps I use were taken from, where you can read the whole chapter if you wish (although I don't know why you'd want to.)

Bleach Chapter 363

The first page of this chapter features a full-color page featuring... a character that doesn't even appear in this chapter! Lovely! Although I've said that I think the idiotically pen-named Tite Kubo to be a rather good artist, I think it's more of his style being interesting, rather than actual technical prowess. His anatomy is pretty bad (it's a shame there are no female characters in this chapter, or I could show you how ridiculous they are.) In this first page, for example, the size of the character's nose and the angle at which it's sticking out make it look like his frontal lobe has been lopped off.

If that weren't enough, his wrists are also strangely elongated. Speaking of his wrists, this picture features one of the Cornerstones of Anime Character Design(tm), The Extraneous Bandages! I can't even make heads or tails of the background, so I'm not going to even bother, although there appears to be a chain of some sort, which automatically makes it "COOL."

I think I've gone on about this picture enough, so just one last thing on this page: over the picture, the following purple prose is plastered:

He polishes his fists, sharpening his soul...
For the friends he fights alongside.

Which actually doesn't mean much of anything. But, Tite Kubo loves this sort of crap, and you can find it all throughout the series. Rarely, if ever, does it actually have anything to do with the events taking place at the time. Kubo seems to think that this sort of Middle School-calibre poetic imagery is somehow a replacement for actual plot-development, or character development.

The next three pages are useless banter between the two good guys and their enemy. Fans of the series might say that "nuh-uh! It has relevence if you read the whole series," but no, not really. They're just talking about their individual flashy, nearly identical, Dragonball Z-esque superpowers. I don't even think I need to tell you any of these characters' names, since they're all tertiary characters, anyways. Why do they get their own dedicated, multiple chapters long, drawn-out fight scene? For padding, of course! The more fight scenes there are, the less Kubo has to use his tiny brain to come up with actual plot developments.

On the next page, we get a good look at the enemy's weapon, and the fact that Kubo can't draw guns. Also, the gun can talk... don't ask.

5 pages in, and the author feels it neccesary to show us the title of the series AGAIN, even though it was already shown on the first page. What follows is two pages of indescribeable, banal action. In manga, banal action becomes even more banal, mostly because the black-and-white images making it impossible to discriminate what the hell's actually happening. Even moreso in Bleach, where most attacks are energy blasts, which translates to "nondescript lines."

On page seven, we're shown the chapter's title: Super Chunky from Hell. Wow, that's really deep and poetic, guys! (And no, it doesn't actually have ANYTHING to do with what's going on in the chapter. Get use to it.)

3 more pages of bad action and the goofy, poorly-drawn talking gun later, we learn the secret of one of the protagonist's powers: he can deflect enemy attacks right back at them! So, he's like a bishonen, sword-wielding, kimono-wearing version of Kirby. That's really original. Kubo is so full of creativity and talent! (And if any Bleach fans find this and read it, just so you know, that's a little thing called sarcasm.)

On the next page, we see a close-up reaction shot of this same character, and here he looks almost exactly like one of the serie's female characters (Orihime), only with thicker eyebrows.

Can you tell which one's which?

The following pages of action are so hectic and poorly-defined, it gives me a headache. There's also alot of banter, banter, meaningless banter. Having fun yet?

I'm serious. This banter doesn't even have the benefit of advancing character-development, or exposition, or even being comic relief. I wouldn't call it painful, but it is boring.

This goes on until page 14, where the enemy says "I thought you and I, were the same." This is directed at the other protagonist (not the Kirby guy.) They look very similar physically, and have nearly identical personalities, with the only distinction being that one's a good guy, the other's a bad guy. So, Kubo is pretty much admitting to recycling characters within the same series.

On page 17, there's a superficial plot development, as a newcomer joins the fray. It's Wonderweiss, a child-like antagonist from some earlier chapters. This won't change the story in any way, mind you; it's just to set up more fighting! *sigh*

But, what's this? He's brought along with him a giant, nondescript black blob that the author was probably just too lazy to draw what it actually looks like, whatever it is.

This sets up tension for the next chapter: what is that thing? Stay tuned next week to find out! Oh, wait, no... that's what we call false tension.

And that's pretty much what Bleach is like every week.

Surely, it is a true work of art, worthy of mindlessly worshipping and flaming anyone who says it's anything but utter brilliance, brimming with creativity and originality! Let's all watch and read nothing else for the rest of our pathetic lives, and spend all our money on over-priced merchandise!

Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a Naruto fan.